I’ve been thinking for a couple weeks now about what I wanted my first STP blog post to be about. A few ideas popped into my head, but nothing that really stuck. I knew that, in His time, the inspiration would come. And here it is, at two in the morning, when I have only my phone handy to peck out the thoughts as they enter my heart.
Tonight, as I was laying in bed, I couldn’t seem to fall asleep. I’ve been struggling lately with the realization that I may be in the wrong profession. I haven’t been successful in the path I have chosen, even though I was sure this was my calling. I thought this, not because God told me to take this path, but rather because I really enjoy what I do. Three years ago, I grew impatient with my college career and decided to enter the police academy. So I did, and here I am, never having held a job as a full time cop. I am currently at my second department as a reserve, but volunteering won’t pay the bills. I’ve spent many nights wondering what was wrong, why I couldn’t get started on this great career path that I’d chosen. The biggest problem with my approach so far is that I’ve been wondering to myself instead of asking God for guidance. There could be many explanations for this, not the least of which is that I think deep down, I know why. You see, I never asked Him in the first place if the academy was where He wanted me. I decided for myself that He wanted me there, because I wanted me there.
Over the past several weeks, ever since I started to get back in the word and started to pray more, I have felt a gentle tug at my heart. A subtle prodding deep down in my heart. At first, I dismissed it, but it never went away, just kept tugging and prodding. In fact, the more I tried to ignore it, the more persistent it’s gotten.
Let me pause here to give a brief background. Nine years ago, at age 14, I set off halfway around the world on a month-long mission to Timișoara, Romania with TeenMania’s Global Expeditions. I knew absolutely nobody on my project team going into this. I came out of it having had the best month of my life. The people I met there, both locals and the other missionaries there with me, touched me in ways I’d never experienced before. I came back on fire, ready to hit the ground running and continue my mission on the homefront. The week after I returned, I spent a week at church camp, made more great friends, and had another great experience. God was doing great things in my life. The next year at camp, I felt a strong calling to enter the ministry. And so, in front of everyone, and again at church when I got back, I stood up and answered the call. I was so excited about all the possibilities that He had in store for me. Then things stopped going so well. Everyone has heard the expression “What goes up, must come down.” The same is true in our spiritual walk. For every mountaintop experience, there’s a deep valley waiting to trap you. The trick is to keep your eyes on the prize, and let God help you through those times. I forgot that, and I let myself get dragged down. It didn’t take long before I had decided that I had made a mistake thinking God wanted me to enter the ministry. So I decided to figure out what I was REALLY supposed to do. And that’s how I ended up, first in the police academy, and ultimately here, at two in the morning.
So now you might understand why the story of Jonah has been running on a loop in the back of my mind. Much like Jonah, I’ve been running from God’s true purpose and calling for my life. God called me to the ministry, but I decided that he must have made a mistake, and have spent the last several years trying to reach Tarshish. Now, after spending some time in the belly of the whale, I quite literally can’t help but think of Isaiah 55:11 “So shall My word be that goes forth from my mouth; it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.”
God sent word to me eight years ago. I’ve tried hiding, I’ve tried running, and yet His word has followed and found me everywhere I’ve gone. So now the only thing left is to say “But I will sacrifice to thee with the voice of thanksgiving. I will pay that which I have vowed.” (Jonah 2:9)
Recent Comments